Of Potions and Candy Floss
by Fluky
Summary: A PWP involving ditz!Draco, issues!Harry, and the reason why the two shall never mix. [HarryDraco]


**Disclaimer:** If I owned the Potterverse I'd be rich, but I'm not, so I don't.

* * *

"I rather think," said Draco succinctly, "that I would like to have a baby."

Harry, who had previously been busying himself with the arduous task of chopping caterpillars, promptly sliced off the skin of his thumb. "_What?_"

"Oh, so you _were_ listening!" said Draco happily.

Harry scowled. "Oh, shut up Malfoy," he said, flicking a bit of caterpillar at the teen. Having finished with the caterpillars, he moved onto gutting cockroaches. "I don't see why _you_ can't do this anyway," he complained.

"Do…?" Draco picked out the bit of caterpillar from his hair with an expression of great disgust and delicately added a horrendously pink liquid to the cauldron. He looked over at Harry. "You're meant to be _gutting_ them Potter, not _butchering_ them!"

"Yes, well, I'm imagining that they're you," Harry muttered, brutally crushing a cockroach into pulp with a ladle to emphasize his point.

Draco stared on with great distaste. "_Must_ you be so violent? Honestly, Potter, what has that poor cockroach ever done to you?"

Muttering something about ditzy airheads, Harry cast an envious glance at Hermione and Ron. The two seemed to be getting along quite well. (Save for the spider leg which Hermione had accidentally swept onto Ron. The redhead was currently doing what looked like an electric boogaloo in the middle of the classroom, much to the annoyance of one greasy-haired Potions master). "He's rather good-looking, isn't he?" Draco's voice came softly into Harry's ear.

Harry jerked back. "What?"

The blonde had a slightly dreamy look in his eyes. "If only he'd just take the damned shirt off already. Honestly, I'm half tempted to go over and throw more spider legs onto him just to make him do it."

Harry gave Draco a look as if he were half mad. "What on earth _are_ you on about?"

"Your friend, of course. Ooh, look, now the mudblood's trying to help him!" Draco laughed in glee. "Oh, and there they go." There was a slight thumping noise as Ron tripped and fell over, dragging a startled Hermione down with him. "And now he's blushing! Isn't that just the sweetest." Draco scrunched up his nose. "Oh, and now she's blushing with him. They're together, aren't they? How disgusting."

"What's wrong with them being together?" Harry asked defensively.

"Come on, now. You surely can't believe that Weasel _belongs_ to her or something." The Slytherin's mouth twisted slyly upward at the edges. "After all, don't you think he'd look better with, say, a _boy_?"

Harry was speechless. "Ooh, careful there darling, you might cut yourself!" Draco chided, guiding the shaking knife away from his face.

The brunette suddenly slammed the knife down onto the table, making Draco jump. "I am _not_ gay!" he declared loudly, so that the whole class turned and gaped.

"Of course you're not, darling," Draco shushed.

"I'm not, you hear? I'm not I'm not I'm not!" A flurry of chopped caterpillar rained down onto the blonde, followed shortly by a waterfall of cascading cockroach innard.

Draco, for his part, opened his mouth and shrieked.

"Do you ever shut up?" Harry gritted.

"No," said Draco shortly. "Why, d'you mind?"

Harry sloshed more water irritably onto the floor. "Considering that you've been at it for over two hours now, yes, yes I do. And stop staring at my arse, you bloody pervert!"

Draco smirked. "Who's staring?" he said.

"Then what would you call it?"

"A scientific study," Draco said matter-of-factly. "I was calculating whether or not you could stick your bum out any further, or would that be inhumanly possible."

Harry tossed a wet towel at Draco in disgust. "Shut up and help, would you?"

"Why?" Draco looked aloof. "After all, it's not _my_ fault you decided to go mental in Potions."

"Yes, but you _were_ the one who started screaming," Harry retorted.

Draco ran his fingers through his silky blond hair. "Look at this hair! Does it _look_ like a home for insect entrails?"

"_You_ were the one who called me gay!"

"No, you _thought_ I called you gay," Draco corrected.

"Well, I'm not," said Harry stubbornly.

"Oh, really?" Draco was suddenly in front of Harry, a rather seductive smirk on his face. For some reason, Harry found himself unable to move—_either from fear, or pure, unadulterated horror_, decided Harry.This lack of movement only prompted the blonde, who took it as an okay to lean forward and snog the Gryffindor senseless.

Which he did. Falling forward onto Harry's lap ("Gravity was working against me!" he was later heard to claim) and straddling Harry's waist with his legs ("For support! I might've fallen off!") Draco planted his lips onto Harry's and kissed him deeply, slipping his hands into Harry's shirt and running them sensuously over the brunette's back and arching his body against Harry's chest.

_He tastes like strawberries_, thought Harry giddily. _And toffee and chocolate and candy floss…_

Splash. A rather soggy, startled-looking Draco Malfoy, and a scowling Harry, bucket of what used to contain soapy water in his hand.

"I hate candy floss," he declared.

* * *

**Author's Note:** It's a silly fic. It's not meant to make sense. 


End file.
